Welcome back to Allsvenskan, arsewipes!

The season is finally underwaty with the first round of matches out of the way. The opening game for former top league team, Rögle, was supposed to be a mere formality as they were hosting Boras. That was a formalty that whacked them straight in the balls! RBK did well to rally back from 0-3 and take the game to extra time where they ended up losing 5-6. Needless to say, their return to Allsvenskan has been greeted in way they did not expect. The other new-commers, Tingsryd, lost 3-1 at local rivals Växjö.

Other notable results was that a new-look Leksand completely thrashed their opening opponents and derby rivals, Mora. An incredible second period saw them score five times and finally take the game 7-1. Almtuna also showed little mercy as relegation favourites Sundsvall was sent to intensive care after losing 6-1at home. A strong looking Västerås team also showed class at they romped home 5-0 against Bofors.

Pre-season starts in Leksand

After what seems as a short summer break, the hockey season is once again upon us with pre-season games getting under way across Sweden. Leksand is taking on Lillehammer of Norway this evening and the game can  be seen on Conny's TV with a 6pm (CET) start. Norway? Bah! Well, in all fairness it would most likely beat the Sweden v Scotland football friendly hands down in terms of entertainment value. Pesonen v Zlatan... Kollar v Svensson... I don't really need to say more, now do I?

Björklöven - the final verdict

The ridiculously long lasting saga on the Björklöven story has finally reached the end. A few weeks back, the Swedish Hockey Association came to the conclusion that their first decision regarding the future of the Umeå club would have to stand; they were forcibly relegated due to economical problems and although the club has come through them, the relegation still has to stand.

The Björklöven board of course took this through to appeal and the final verdict came the other day: The relegation stands. And rightly so. 

Although the club managed to survive, the economical dealings of last year was extremely irresponsible. It must have been clear after the first month or two of last season that the budget was blown out of the water. Instead of consolidating and  cutting costs, they did the opposite. With already big debts on board, an increasing wage bill and dwindling crowds, there was only one way it would all finish. It seems the board made the most of it while it lasted by making sure back room staff got more than their fair share of the spoils before the proverbial shit would hit  the fan.

 Onwards and upwards!

I don't envy the new board, but they should be both glad and proud they have managed to get the club through this and to the other side. A couple of years in a lower division might be what they need to rebuild everything from the inside out. They'll be back soon enough - enjoy division 1 while it lasts.

World Cup intermission

No one has failed to notice the World Cup in football is on at the moment. I had promised not to write anything about it - there are enough football blogs anyway - but I have been swayed by what happened last night when Spain took on Portugal in the knock out stages.

This is not about the game. This is about my wife. And the teams.

Following the national anthems when the camera shows the close-ups of players singing along - or not as may be the case, Mrs Puckin' Hell, being forced to watch the games unless I disappear down the pub and free up the TV for her, sat up and said 'Spain and Portugal in football seems to be a bit like Sweden and Finland in ice hockey, with Portugal being like Finland' I was well impressed by her sudden knowledge of the sport. 'Not a bad comparison. They are neighbours and the rivalry is massive between the two countries. And as Finland, Portugal is usually at the wrong end of the scoreline.' I addeed. 'Aha...' she said 'I just meant that the Spaniards are quite good looking, whereas the Portuguese are a right ugly bunch.'.

There you go.

She's Finnish by the way...

Part MMCXXVII of the Björklöven saga

Some fuckers just don't know when to give up. And for that, Björklöven should be eternally grateful. The club has officially  managed to avoid being wound up and will continue to exist in its current shape. The question is now Where?

As the club seized trading at the end of the season, Sundsvall was given their spot and was told they'd be playing in Allsvenskan the coming year. Sunsvall has of course been setting themselves a different budget and has been working to a completely different framework than had they not been promoted. It would not be fair or right in this late stage to backtrack and tell them to play in Division 1. This has of course had ramifications throughout the hockey league and it is hard to see where Björklöven will fit in.

There are a few obvious alternatives, all with their pros and cons;

• Björklöven is told they can stay in Allsvenskan. The division is extended by one team and more rounds will be played. This will create a scheduling nightmare (the first round has already been drawn) as well as an imbalanced division with an odd number of teams. This will then need to be rectified for next season and there will be another relegation spot.
• The club is relegated to division one. The above problems will be shifted downwards one division.
• The club is told to start from the bottom of the system. This will in effect kill the club off. The arena, owned by Umea municipality, will be too big to host regional division 4 games and the club will have to find another home. Getting back to a position where they would fill their old arena would take many years.

No doubt the Swedish Icehockey Association will find the most complicated and impractical solution to the problem. I am waiting in anticipation.

But how did this happen. The club was run down completely by the board and incredible amounts were paid out to staff and players in salaries even when it was known within the club that there was no more money to take from. Apparently, the wage bill was 1.4M SEK/month. Even though this is limited to 7.5 months of the year, it adds up to an awful lot of money for this level of hockey. I can see why KHL were flirting with them earlier in the season - at least they are up to speed in how to do it in the board room.

Completely pucked!

So you knobbers think I'm dead, huh? If only! I must admit of a certain greyish-whiteish paleness, but years of London life generally has that effect on your skin tone. In all fairness, I am currently somewhat of a zombie during the waken hours and could easily be mistaken for dead or at least soon-to-be-dead, but that it all down to work and other things I have a feeling I might get back to in the coming months. Can't be bothered now though.

Anyway, I'll sporadically be posting during the summer but the frequency of the posts will be cut for obvious reasons. I'm not going to indulge too much in silly-season speculation unless there is actually a good reason for it. I suspect there will be a bunch of posts coming either today or during the next few days as I have kept away for a while.

The undeath of a hockey team

First it was AIK who undeaded themselves by getting promoted to Elitserien, now it seems an outside chance that Björklöven might join the same exclusive club. No, they're not getting promoted. They're trying to undead themselves as well - and by all means, they don't seem too far off achieving it. Puckin' Hell had along with everyone else assumed that Björklöven was not only dead, but buried and slightly decomposed by now. Well, we were all wrong it seems. To paraphrase Mark Twain, it seems the reports of Björklöven's death has been somewhat exaggerated.

 

Apparently, the club has until May 12th to get their finances in order and businessmen, benefactors, companies and the public has managed to get a large proportion of the money needed for survival. In a last ditch attempt, the club is now issuing share options to get the last money. I will join the rest of all hockey lovers to wish them every success in this campaign.

Something is rotten in the state of Sweden

Silly season is under way, but I still find myself depressed and downbeat thinking about hockey, so I have stayed away from the blog and all my bookmarked websites for a while. Needless to say, it is impossible to cleanse my world completely from it, as the whacking of a black rubber thingee on frozen water is a fully integrated part of my everyday life. Try and aviod it, and you get caught out with a tackle from behind that knocks you out for twenty. That is just what has happened.

I attended a friends wedding and as the brother of the bride is as much of a hockey fanatic as I am we obviously got into a conversation about the upcoming world championships and the season just gone. He's got it all sorted. Albeit he's Slovakian and usually only have an outside chance of seeing any medals on the international scene (I know, they still manage to beat Sweden every time, so I should keep stumm), his domestic side has defended their title. Košice beat local rivals Bratislava and you could see the excitement and joy in his face as he described the finals in detail.

After he finished he looked at me and told me he'd followed Leksand's results over the web. What is wrong with this Swedish ice hockey? How many years in a row have you won your division - 3? 4? And they still don't let you up? That seems completely fucked mate! I have never heard of a similar system anywhere. Why don't they change it?

As we downed another Sambuca, I nodded in agreement. Yeah, it is fucked. Then was going to explain what went wrong, and after a few seconds I found myself talking about economy, TV money, the struggles of several of the teams in the second tier to stay alive, and that's when it hit me like a face-slap from an over ripe herring. Talking about Swedish domestic ice hockey invariably develops into a discussion of figures and numbers. To talk Swedish ice hockey, you really need a university degree in advanced economics. And as any map will show you, Leksand, Umeå, Almtuna and Västerås is a very long way from Oxford, Cambridge or Yale.

In fact, it has indeed proven way too far away from Umeå, as Björklöven has seized to exist. The Swedish Champions from 1987 has been declared bankrupt. Björklöven fostered players such as Ulf Dahlén and Calle Johansson and I regarded them as one of the original 'Big' clubs with tradition and culture not many can match. It is truly an indication of how bad the state of Swedish ice hockey really is when a club like Björklöven disappears.

As I said, my friend has got it sorted. When he talks ice hockey, it is simply about what happens on the ice. That's the game I grew up with. That's the game I love! Could we have it back please Mr Loob?

Eriksson/Olsson at the helm

Unsurprisingly, Leksand presented the Swedish Junior Championships gold medal winner, Niklas Eriksson and former assistant coach Christer Olsson as the duo to take the elusive step to the top tier of Swedish hockey. In fact, it seems it was so well known among both journalists as well as the public, that a press conference was not held. The news appeared on the Leksand website without much fanfare. Too right!

The elusive promotion

From one of my all time favourite shows, The Smoking Room. The similarities between Barry and Leksand are striking.

Ekman-Larsson to Phoenix, Strumpan to Rögle?

News have come out the Oliver Ekman-Larsson has signed a 3 year contract with Phoenix while Leif Strömberg is linked to the vacancy in Rögle. Two interesting moves in their own right, but that's where the similarities stop. OEL will go over as one of the most promising defenders of his age group. I suspect he'll be told to build up some more muscle and prove himself in AHL, but fully expect him to get an outing or two in the first year across the pond.

 Good Luck!

Strumpan will be given a chance to rectify his now dented record of bringing teams through qualification with Rögle. The club will have to rebuild as many players have chosen to leave following relegation and Strömberg will undoubtedly want to populate the team with his type of players. Don't expect to see him signing any players who plays with flair - he prefers players with a minimum amount of skill, but a high work-rate. Undoubtedly he'll set up a team that will be hard to beat, but I am glad to see him head to Rögle and put their hockey fans through the pain of watching crap hockey week in and week out. Expect to see the attendance figures to drop dramatically - even compared to last time they were down in Allsvenskan. Good riddance I say!

Update: Wrong, wrong, wrong! At a press conference today, Rögle presented a trio to guide them back to Elitserien, including Kenny Jönsson as defensive coach.

Managerial merry-go-round is now in full swing

Here we go again. Teams supposedly failing to hit their targets set out before the season is now getting rid of their managers and the ones having done a brilliant job being lured to greener pastures. So far we have seen the top job being made available in Almtuna, Björklöven, Leksand, Västerås, Rögle and now also Malmö (not sure if I have missed any others). Of course, most of the jobs will go to managers who have previously been sacked/left another team where invariably they have failed.

Almtuna were facing the ungrateful task of replacing Jonas Rönnqvist who was offered the job at Luleå. So who do they get for the job? Bobo Simensen, infamous from his days at Rögle and Malmö. Last year he was safely tucked away at AIKs youth team! But of course someone had to drag him out in from the discarded toys' box. Where is the fucking law that says a coach must be recycled? Well, it was good as long as it lasted, but it's obviously time to say 'Bye bye, Almtuna!'. A bit melodramatic maybe, but it's not going to be any return to Kvalserien for them with him in charge.

Västerås has taken a slightly different route with employing Mats Waltin, a successful player in his day who has been coaching in Austria (AC Klagenfurter) and last heading up the Slovenian national team.

Björklöven has taken Jens Hellgren from Piteå and also see the return of Lars Molin.

In Malmö, the players apparently revolted against the hero of yesteryear, Göran Karlström, who stepped in and steered up the so called Babyhawks when the club was about to go under. I guess Carl 'Crybaby' Söderberg had to blame someone else for their failure to make Kvalserien. And what Calle wants, Calle gets - at least in Malmö. Hence, no more Karlström. The former assistant coach, Robert Olsson, takes over the reign.

Local rivals, Rögle is also on the lookout for  a new manager. Rumours are pointing towards Kenny Jönsson who helped the club up to Elitserien last time they went up - but then as a player. Could he do it again as a manager?

Leksand are expected to present their legendary ex-player Niklas Eriksson who has played more games for the club than anyone else. He has also shown his capabilities as a manager taking the Leksand youth team to win the Swedish championships this season.

Going further?

The worst is over - having failed in my suicide attempts (the closest I got was a severe hangover after trying to pickle my brain in vast amount of alcohol. The way I felt the morning after means I can't have been far off the mark...) I have now decided to move on. In fact, the best for my health as well as of others around me is for me to move on. Literally. I can't see any other possible solution.

London is obviously not far enough to avoid the pain caused by the constant failures of the hockey team in my heart. Why? Well, I get to follow most of the games live. I curse the internet and its founders - look what you have done to me and hang your heads in shame. The UK also having similar-ish seasons. At least so far that you recognise a certain drop in temperature towards the beginning of the hockey season, and this gets worse throughout before it starts improving at the end. Instinctively this is setting off the fog-horn inside my head and the increase in adrenaline and endorphins is creating a euphoria that unmistakably is signalling the start of the ice hockey season. I then have an extended period of time called the 'season' when I feel it is totally acceptable for me not only to behave irrationally and be plagued by a wider variety of, and often more intense, mood-swings than a woman with the worst PMS imaginable.

 If you look really closely, you can see the person is actually wearing a Leksand away jersey

Then we have the phenomenon called Kvalserien. My wife knows to avoid me at all cost during these three weeks. And all this usually results in is acute depression, self destructive and aggressive behaviour followed by voluntary isolation and social reclusion. This lasts until the temperature starts falling and the cycle starts all over again. 

As far as I can tell, either Leksand has to move on and up, or, filing that, I must move and do everything  in my power to get out of this cycle. I understand the temperature goes up during the winter in the southern hemisphere - that's at least a promising start! Then we just need to find a place without internet capability and well past the reach of any Swedish radio broadcasts. In fact, preferably a place with no electricity whatsoever. To be on the safe side, there should be no Swedish Embassy or Council and there should be no communication to any country with a Swedish Embassy or Council, including linking infrastructure such as roads, railways etc. Also, NO BLOODY IKEA.

Once I find this place, my life could possibly get back to normal again.

Any suggestions?

Step 1: Compete

I have made a plan of how to regain top league status - if it is followed we can't fail! And today there is cause for celebration as Step 1 in my plan has just been achieved; Leif Stromberg has been removed from the dressing room with all his belongings. Now we're talking! Great move by the board room. Now they just need to observe the rest of my action plan and we're sorted!

• Sack LS
• Hire good coach who promotes all out attacking hockey - I want my 10-2 results back!
• Get rid of some dead wood from the team - some are in dire need of a change of environment.
• Move up the best players from the juniors and give ice time to those behind
• Bring back players such as Ritola and Hedberg who might well want to put the jersey on again.
• Win games
• Have fun and eat your greens
• Qualify for KS
• Qualify for ES

Dead simple. I should be general manager, at least!

Poem for Kvalserien

Surprise surprise, we missed out again
Not sure how I'll ever get used to this pain
but we always live to fight another year
with new players and plenty more beer
Trying to look back to what went wrong
I see Växjö, Sandberg and the bastard Bång

One day I know we will come back
But first, can we please give Strumpan the sack?

AIK grabs the last straw

After a very turbulent season, almost an understatement considering all that has happened, AIK grabbed the opportunity presented to them by promotion contenders Leksand and Rögle to take the second qualification spot to Elitserien. They 'only' had to beat Växjö in the last game to secure their advancement, but as always in Kvalserien, the 'onlys' quickly becomes knuckle-biting 'possiblys'. 

AIK managed to secure the win (2-0) in a tightly fought contest, with both goals scored in the dying minutes of the game in a packed out Johanneshov, thereby securing vital income to the beleaguered club. This was arguably the last chance for survival for the club with the economy being in tatters. And they took it! Puckin' Hell wants to congratulate AIK and their prominent blogger Black Boris for a job well done.

Another wasted year

That's that.

The Nervous System

That's right, everything is affected...

The rock is rolling!

With two games remaining of the 2010 edition of Kvalserien, the outcome is - as predicted - unpredictable to say the least. Södertälje SK somewhat unsurprisingly leads the way with 19 points and will require one more to secure their participation in next year's Elitserien. They are hosting AIK (4th) tomorrow and on Sunday there will be the show-down with Rögle BK (2nd). The game with AIK is a derby-type affair and the outcome is by no means certain. If they would lose, the one point they require will be hard fought to get at the final away game. They should qualify, but in KS, there is a long history of teams choking when one foot is on the finishing line.

Rögle finds themselves in second place on 14 points with Almtuna (5th) to visit tomorrow before taking on Södertälje. Again, none of these teams are easy to play. Almtuna IS has rattled most teams and are notoriously difficult to play in their rink, and with Rögle only just beating AIS on penalties in the previous game, they will not be taking any points for granted. Two wins are of course possible, but they might as well not get any.

Leksands IF is just one point behind in 3rd place and is said to have the easiest run-in. On paper this is true as they are facing bottom of the table Växjö Lakers away on Tursday and finishes with a visit by Almtuna. Växjö has only managed to get three points, all of them did however come while playing in their Lakerdome home and the hosts won both home games 3-1 during the regular season, so to say these are three easy points would be a mistake. Almtuna on the other hand has been defeated every time this season in Ejendals Arena, albeit the affairs have been tightly fought. Underestimation would however be the biggest risk and you would expect Leksand to bring home at least four points from these games.

AIK equals Leksand's 13 points but is behind by a single goal on goal difference and is in 4th position. If the team can get a win from the derby against top of the table Södertälje, the final game will be at home against Växjö, who might be without their three North American players due to a money saving excercise by the club (they will however feature in the previous game versus Leksand). This might have a decisive influence if the final table is decided on goal difference. The big one is however played tomorrow, and both teams will know the result of this game will decide how their seasons are judged, not to mention the SEK 30.000.000 in money from TV rights and another SEK 20.000.000 in extra ticket sales, sponsorship etc. In short, No Pressure!

Are We Coming Home?

Take my hand
and I will close my eyes
guide me home
and on the way
I will silently fantasize

its been along time since I've been home
and I hope I am nearly there
no matter how far you are, they say
home knows no race, no distance
home is fair

home is at the end of war
home is in the mornings sun
home is through every door
home is where you no longer have to run

they say you cant buy a home
they say memories aren't for sale
they say heaven is hell if spent alone
they say home is female and male

home is in a Child's laughter
home is in a lovers arms
home is in a new chapter
home is where you make it yours

                  I am Coming Home, Ayesha Sartawi